My Name is Former Dreamer

My name is not former dreamer.

To hands holding up the word DREAM

My Worst Moment: Was the high of having someone in the field of astro and physics speak to me, an actual scientist working for NASA, an educator and the closest I would ever come to my dreams of space offer me an opportunity to join him on an expedition, only to realize by his complete impropriety that he was just another man who couldn’t care less about me or my aspirations but only his desires and urges.

I Have Given Up On:  Admiring people, these days I try to only respect the work and even then it’s extremely hard.

I’m Afraid: That because he is a revered scientist I will be harassed, that people won’t believe me, that everyone will think I am speaking attention from his fame or that he will say to others that it was all me trying to get to him.

This Has Cost Me: It has cost me the ability to trust that I can say yes to going away into things like expeditions and not be taken advantage of, it has traumatized me into believing that someday I will inevitably have to make a choice between doing the things I love in science by submitting myself to men’s desires or walk away from it and closing doors for myself.

Something You Should Know About Me: I have already endured many kinds of abuses, yet I had managed to maintain that part of dream that dreams of better things, that dreams of being a part of a supportive scientific environment in which I can thrive.

Is There a Bright Side:  I suppose the bright side would be that now I know better than to let my childhood dreams blind my true perception of people in science.

My Fight Song: “Dance while you shoot”