My Worst Moment: Realizing that after years of fighting harassment, I still ended up letting myself be harmed by a powerful senior narcissist who I should have known was not really interested in my work, in me, or in helping me. Power differentials affect consent.
I Have Given Up On: Having my work taken seriously; not being seen as an object first (sexual or token; I’m a minority woman) and a scientist second; living without microaggressions; getting paid the same as my same-rank male colleagues despite having more grant money myself.
I’m Afraid: That I can’t trust people anymore, and that nothing I do matters. That I’ll always wake up at night thinking about what happened to me. That I will never be able to move on.
This Has Cost Me:I have a chronic migraine condition now. I don’t know how to begin to estimate the cost of that, but I also can’t say it’s wholly due to the stress of what happened.
Something You Should Know About Me: I take risks even though I’m anxious by nature.
Is There a Bright Side: I still love my work and overthinking has been both my curse and my transformational freedom.
My Fight Song: Robyn - don’t fucking tell me what to do
Secret Weapon: Reframing, turning inward, compulsive exercise.